Usually I like to share my personal stories to let my community of readers know that they are not alone. I’ve lived a crazy life and I know my previous pain often helps others to see it’s always going to be okay. (Because it is!)
Today’s blog is a little different though, I’m the one looking to not feel alone this time. Because I don’t know if just no one talks about this, or if I’m really and truly the only person who feels this way?
So I’d love to hear your thoughts and opinions in the comments below!
I’m coming up on my 6-month wedding anniversary (where did the time go?!) and I love being married. I love it so much more than being a girlfriend. This commitment is 100% the most beautiful thing I have in my life. From the amazing days, to the days we can’t stand each other – knowing that our partnership and creating the life we both want together is the top priority for both of us – just makes life better. The best it’s ever been, for me personally.
I love Anthony. We have been thrown some crazy and hard challenges and we always seem to handle everything on a united front. He’s my partner and my best friend. I also can’t wait to have a family with him.
The reason I’m telling you all of these feelings and details about my new marriage is because it relates directly to my issue.
So here it is:
I’m struggling so hard with changing my last name!!!
Honestly, it’s such a source of pain and confusion for me, and I honestly feel like I’m the only woman I know who is going through this.
All of my childhood best friends changed their names immediately.
I think we are living in a unique time where people are waiting later and taking longer to get engaged and married. In the case of most of my friends (myself included) we were all ready to kill our boyfriends. We just wanted to get engaged and get married already! It wasn’t that our now husbands didn’t feel the same about us – it’s just (some) men don’t (always) have the same long term schedule or sense of urgency as women do.
So my theory with my friends is that they wanted it for so long, it was so exciting to change their names and shout it from the rooftops once their dreams became a reality.
When I asked them about it, they all said it was a no-brainer. They wanted to share a family name with their husbands and future children, and there was no second thought on it.
50% of me agrees with this whole-heartedly! I want to become Angela DeBartolo because I love being a wife, can’t wait to have kids and love my new in-laws and all the family that comes along with that.
The other 50% of me is crying inside. I love being Angela McNally. She is a survivor. She has overcome so much. In a business sense, she built this community. She is my whole identity. Not just in business though, in life.
I feel so alone in the latter feelings though. I’ve honestly never spoken to a woman who is torn like I am. I know women who did not change their names and felt strongly about that, I know women who changed their name with no second thought
– but are there any other women like me that the struggle is oh-so-real for?!
Also, I need to mention that Anthony feels strongly about me having the same last name as him. I can truly see that I’m hurting him when I share my confusion. I really don’t want that either!
Anthony and I made this agreement that I would be Angela DeBartolo in my ‘real’ life. On identification, as our family name. etc.
But in work life such as on my website, social media and for future projects, I would stay Angela McNally.
So, for his birthday I changed my drivers license and health card to Angela DeBartolo.
(First of all, I’m fully aware of the fact that this being his ‘gift’ is hilarious! But it’s a big deal to me okay! ha.)
It was a surprise. I wrapped the new cards with his other gifts and gave them to him while we were away in New York, and he was so happy. I was happy to make him happy.
But now I keep finding myself wanting to use my old ID’s! It’s just so confusing to be one name sometimes and another name the rest of the time. Because of what I do for a living, my professional name spills over to my personal life every single day.
I’m hoping to find some peace with this!
My inner dialogue never stops and sounds something like this:
Hyphenating is too long.
I don’t want to upset my husband or not have the same last name as my future kids.
I don’t love the sound of ‘Angela DeBartolo’ for business as much.
It’s also my mother-in-laws name. (Literally. First name Angela. Last name DeBartolo. Same.)
I just FEEL like Angela McNally.
But maybe if I take the plunge I’ll just get over it?
Are you struggling with the same feelings? Or was it a breeze for you? I’d love to hear why! Share your thoughts below in the comments or hop on over to Instagram and join the conversation there. @angelamcnally
I’ll definitely keep you posted on what I decide. My goal is to express my feelings (I guess I’m doing that now with you) and then use some of my tools like meditation to try and get some clarity.
I’ll let you know how it goes!