Relationships with money can be a tumultuous topic for many people. Most of the population has some kind of painful or negative relationship around money and because of this, when people talk about it we can become uncomfortable, defensive and even angry.
Money is one of the things I feel the most compelled to blog about these days, however I usually stop myself because I don’t want to rub people the wrong way.
They say that the area in which you need the most healing, presents the most resistance. And in a world full of abundant debt, overspending and consumerism – this resistance is a common theme.
Today though, I’m going to push through your resistance and mine, and just go for it.
As in all my stories, I want to be very vulnerable about my own money journey so that I can be relatable. I know that it’s nice to know others have been there. (and trust me, I have.)
However, this is where my own resistance limit comes in. Finances are personal and my own story is a crazy one. One that involves more people than just me. One that I don’t think I’m quite ready to share with the world. One day, maybe.
What I will say is that I ventured a long and painful road to find myself where I am today, particularly mentally, around my finances. Just like any other feat in our lives – healing my relationship with money began with my mind first, and actions later.
I could truly write an entire novel on this topic – but today I’ve decided to give those that feel as though they have no clue where to start, the first five steps I took to becoming the master of my own finances.
- Eliminating Negative Money Conversations.
If you look around you, I would bet there is a 100% chance you are surrounded by people with negative relationships with money.
“Money doesn’t grow on trees.”
“We are so poor right now!”
“I can’t afford it.”
“Kids drain my income.”
“I hate money.”
“Money is so stressful!”
…. And so on.
Personally, I can attach a different person I know to every one of the above statements – simply because they use it regularly. I was one of these people, too. It’s how many of us were raised. It’s also how many of us find commonality or something to connect over.
Eliminating these conversations from my life was the number one thing I worked on.
The problem was that at first my finances weren’t healed, and inside I still felt many of the things from the above list every single day.
But when I first committed to making a change in this part of my life, I vowed not to talk about money negatively with anyone. Which back then simply meant, not talking about it at all. When someone would talk to me, I would not respond and just let them speak, or change the conversation. Sometimes I’d even need to explain myself. It gave whoever I was speaking to something to think about I’m sure – and for me, shut down the conversation quickly.
Everything on this earth is just energy. Us, our money and even what our lives look like. What you talk about, you bring about. Remember that.
- Start Positive Money Conversations.
There likely aren’t many people in your life you can do this with. Maybe even no one. This is okay! Years ago when this journey began for me, I felt as though I had no one, too. But I knew I believed in creating positive talk around money and abundance in my life. I started by doing daily affirmations.
“I am abundant.”
“There are limitless ways to make money on this earth.”
“Money arrives in unexpected ways all the time.”
“I am financially free.”
“I love my money and I’m grateful for every dollar that crosses my path.”
Often with affirmations people think saying these things over and over will magically change your life. It won’t.
What will change your life is re-wiring your mind and the way you think about and approach things. Your mind inspires your actions, which create your life. It all starts with the mind. So starting with a healthy mindset around money creates a chain reaction. It doesn’t happen overnight. Especially for those of us that have had a love/hate relationship with money – but loving your finances and rewiring your mind are both a necessary part of change.
- Emotions Are Ok.
You might not even realize it, but your relationship with money can be very emotional. For most people, on even a small level, it is. It’s often pain and beliefs that are passed down through generations. It can be so deeply engrained in us that we don’t even realize we need to release it. As you start healing your money issues you will likely feel many emotions. Often, practicing the affirmations I listed point #2 would bring me to tears.
I spent many years changing my patterns around money and had a roller coaster of emotions as I was doing it. This year I started seeing a therapist. Not because of finances – but I am shocked to see how they have ruled many things in my life such as close relationships, career and love choices. My deep beliefs about money created so much fear, angst and most of all – so many blockages in my life.
Releasing this both on my own and with a professional has helped me to change my viewpoints and most of all release my deep, dark money fears. I had to feel it to release it though. Emotions are a necessary part of changing your belief system.
- Create Money Rituals.
This is the particular section I feel I could go on about forever. If you like this topic, maybe I will create a free ritual training in the near future.
For me I like to look at my finances as a garden. Every day I tend to it, water it, give it what it needs. Some days it’s more vibrant than others, but it’s always flourishing because I’m giving it attention and love.
Here are a few of my personal daily rituals to that help me ‘tend’ my finaces:
- I know my numbers, always!
Everyday during my morning routine I check my online banking which includes all credit card statements. EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING!
Anxiety is created from the unknown. If you know your situation and are following your plan of attack to pay down debt or contribute to savings – anxiety is eliminated. If you ignore your statements and don’t follow a plan – I promise that the angst and stress will eat you alive.
- Paying my bills on time with love.
There was a time that I couldn’t pay my bills each month – and it took a lot of positive effort to change that situation. Now the second a bill comes in I pay it immediately with a smile on my face. I swear, the second I pay bills off with love, more money or another opportunity to make it will magically show up. This miracle happens so often I’ve just come to expect it. Energy, baby!
- Before spending even a dollar of your pay, SAVE!
Save a percentage of every single payment that comes in. Before you do anything else, save.
For me that number is 25%. For you it could be more or less! Even 5% is totally great. Having that cushion is a nice place to fall when you find yourself making less than expected or get hit with unexpected expenses. If you don’t get proactive about paying yourself first, you will always have anxiety around money.
I recommend this practice even for people who are actively paying down debt. Some people recommend to just pay off debt (because of interest) and to save later. Personally I think a savings nest egg is such a positive energy that alleviates so much anxiety. So, if you have a debt payment plan that works for you, start also saving to attract abundant energy by saving for security.
I really could list a hundred more. Creating a healthy relationship with money involves action just as much as a positive mind. Practicing my daily, weekly and monthly money routines honestly brings me so much joy. I really challenge you to start your own!
- Be Grateful.
Yes, I know many of us have had hard times. But also, that’s life and lessons are meant to help you grow and flourish. Hard times make you appreciate the good times so much more.
However, it’s important to remember we also live in the most blessed country in the world, full of opportunity and abundance. The roof over your head, the water from your tap, every dollar you earn is a BLESSING! Be grateful, every damn day. Being grateful turns fear into love. When you are feeling panic and fear around money, stop and be thankful for what you have. It changes your negative energy to positive. Abundance loves gratefulness. It’s the law of attraction.
Once you have a plan of action to heal your finances and have implemented some of the steps outlined above – be patient and don’t give up! Nothing worth doing ever happens overnight. Money is emotional, but also beautiful and simply an energy here to support you. You might need to earn it’s trust back.
But I promise, you will never be proud of any accomplishment more than healing this relationship with your finances.