Extended version of my Instagram Post: @AngelaMcNally
Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss day.
The common empowering messages I see people post about these devastating losses are things like
“Why does no one talk about it, we must speak up!”
typically followed by statistics – such as that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage.
And so, I constantly feel a pull between speaking up to end the stigma, and keeping to myself.
As someone who prefers not to talk about it, but also feels a duty to show up on this platform and be real, I can only shed light on how I personally feel and hope others can see themselves in my journey.
Or better yet, maybe you can learn how to lovingly interact with those going through this trauma.
I grew up in an overly social home, our house was a drop-in centre and I always prided myself in being surrounded by a million friends — because of this, this journey has been the most isolating time of my life.
For me fear of something triggering my pain is the reason I love to be alone.
I know this is not the same for everyone, but for me the only thing that has worked is focusing on what is good in my life and focusing less on the pain.
I’ve set major boundaries with any person, place or thing that might make me feel sad, in comparison, bad about myself or alone.
I’ve turned to my creativity, passions and goals more than I ever have before.
I’ve met friends that have the same interests as me and make me feel understood. Often until we get close, they have no idea what I’m going through. Personally, I like it that way.
Even though this has been the loneliest and most isolating time of my life – it has also been the biggest spiritual and emotional growth spurt I’ve ever been through.
In many ways I’m so grateful for this path.
Trust me, I know that sounds backwards. But I can’t imagine what life would look like without all the gifts, healing, boundaries and new ways of being that the devastating pain has brought us.
If someone you love is going through a loss – give compliments, instil confidence, check in for no reason, send a sweet note.
Don’t compare their journey to yours or anyone else’s — each situation is unique. Include them, but know they might not come. Don’t take it personally. A parent losing a child is never about you. It’s the greatest pain anyone could ever feel and meeting that with love, is the only way.
If you are going though this devastating trauma, I send you all the love, light and healing.
No one deserves this, but know you will be a better, stronger and more empathetic and present parent when your time does come.
And all the ways life changes in the meantime, were meant to be. Trust in that and know that deeply.
The Universe has a better plan than your own, always.